


If Only You Could Read My Mind.

by lizibabes



Series: kink bingo [17]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Drinking, Drunkenness, Homesickness, M/M, Sex, Swearing, Telepathy, UST, drug references, past sexual abuse/assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-16
Updated: 2012-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-02 01:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt unresolved sexual tension on Kinkbingo and for the prompts homesickness, waking up in bed together, sexual abuse, telepathy and using others or being used for Angst bingo. Adam and Tommy support each other a lot on tour, but they are both keeping secrets, but a night out will lead to more things being revealed than either of them ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only You Could Read My Mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Both characters have dark past they deal with in the story, but over all not a dark story, more hurt/comfort. *Adam's thoughts* 'Tommy's thoughts'

He sometimes worries he's using Adam. It's not like it's something he does on purpose. He's homesick, worse than he's ever been before, worse than he was during the first tour. He thinks maybe it's because of Lisa having the baby. He hadn't wanted to leave them. Even knowing they would be fine. He loved being an uncle. He'd pretty much always loved kids and this kid he actually can spoil and play with and teach cool shit as time goes on. He's always had an affectionate relationship with Adam, it's casual for the both, always was. But he's been going to Adam a lot, relying on the affection Adam gives freely a little too much. On the last tour, things were different, but this time, he swears there is a sexual tension between them, one that's doomed to stay unresolved until Tommy grows some balls and tells Adam he's a little more than Bi-curious.

　

He can't seem to talk to Adam about the tension, but it doesn't stop him from going to Adam every single time the homesickness has him feeling low. He doesn't want to use Adam, can't see what Adam can be getting from it. Adam's a great guy, an amazing friend and so giving. Sometimes Tommy worries that Adam will give and give and give until he doesn't have anything left to give, till there is nothing left of him, and Tommy doesn't want to be one of the people who take from Adam without giving back, but what can he give to Adam? It's not like after all this time he can tell Adam he likes boys and make him believe it. He's not sure if the sexual tension is even real, it might all be in his head, he doesn't know. Tommy knows a lot of people think he is using Adam, leading him along for the job or to get special treatment, but he never has. He liked Adam from the start, had felt the sexual tension ever since the first kiss, but he didn't tell Adam. He had said he was straight so that he and Adam couldn't get together. Tommy knew damn well what everyone would think if he was being fucked by his boss, that he was using him, which was something he would never do.

　

So now homesickness has mixed with the unresolved tension. He feels like he needs to be close to Adam all the time just to keep himself from falling apart. He feels fragile, like his skin is brittle, about to shatter at the lightest of touches, but when he's with Adam it feels better, he feels less lost. Adam's company is like a home away from home. When he's with Adam, the homesickness gets better, but the sexual tension gets worse and he just doesn't know what to do anymore.

　

The last thing he wants to do is use Adam, he cares about him too much and Tommy's just not that kind of person anyway. He's using Adam's affection like a band aid, putting it over the wound that is homesickness, when he should be trying to make himself feel better some other way. Even as he thinks about what to do, sat on a tiny hotel bed in a room that feels nothing like home, his phone goes off, flashing Adam's name. He opens it and reads the text message.

　

*Me and you, hitting the bars tonight, be ready in an hour*

　

Adam doesn't ask Tommy, just tells him to be ready, but then Tommy isn't really well known for saying no to Adam. He doesn't really want to say no to Adam, so he decides to worry about it later and get ready; hitting some bars seems like a great idea right now. And maybe with the liquid courage of a few drinks he'll get up the guts to break the sexual tension by kissing Adam, for real kiss him without any kind of audience. He kind of wishes he could know what Adam was thinking.

　  
+++++++++++++++++  
　

Adam smiles at Tommy's quick reply, glad that Tommy didn't argue. He doesn't mind at all that Tommy likes to be a hermit sometimes, but right now, he thinks it'll be a good idea to get Tommy out of his hotel room for the night. He knows his best friend is really homesick on this tour and Adam wants to help by distracting him. He loves that he's the one Tommy comes to, maybe loves it a little too much. He likes having someone to look after and there’s no crime in that. But he overcompensates sometimes, looking after others so he doesn't think about himself. This tour has been different for him as well, all because of a phone call he got the day before it started. The man who had sexually abused him when he was fourteen had finally been caught, after all these years, long after he'd given up. 

　

They told him the man had been hiding out in Canada and he's been sexually abusing other young boys there. It wasn't till one of them reported him, like Adam had, that he'd been caught. When he was arrested in Canada, they ran his blood and fingerprints after realizing he was living under a false identity. The police had been smart enough to work out that a man who was living under a fake name probably had something to hide. He'd abused other boys, not just Adam. He'd been a math tutor and he had abused boys sexually in over five states and his D.N.A had been found on the body of a thirteen year old John Doe. He'd killed a kid and he wouldn't even tell the police who the boy was. He couldn't even have the decency to do that, not one shred of humanity in his body.

　

Not many people knew he'd been sexually abused, just his Mom, Dad, Neil and Brad. He'd never told another boyfriend after Brad, not because Brad had reacted badly, but because he hadn't trusted any man he'd dated since then the way he had Brad. He's been half in love, but never been able to just trust someone. Getting the call was a relief, he couldn't be happier that the man who abused him is in prison, but the call also brought up a lot of painful memories that he normally tries to not think about. He'd seen a therapist back when he first reported what had happened and he thinks it helped him move on with his life. It didn't take away the pain and it didn't happen like a magic wand, just making everything better. But he thinks it helped him to be able to live his life. He knows he has trust issues, but that's something a lot of people deal with, not just victims of abuse. 

　

It's a scar on his soul, one he will always wear, but he survived, he's living his life and he doesn't want that man to have any effect over him. He's on his second tour, doing a job he loves with people who he adores. He's happy enough, but also confused. Anyone in the band would hug Tommy when he just needs a cuddle, but Tommy comes to him, always. Adam is more than happy to offer comfort. Sometimes though, he thinks he's focusing on Tommy's homesickness because it's a good destruction, it makes him feel like he's using Tommy. They are as close as they have always been, butthere are things they still don't talk about; ever. Adam hasn't told him about the abuse, tells himself it's just because it's in the past. And he doesn't bring up the sexual tension between them, because, well it has to be in his head. Tommy's straight, he's just a little lonely and homesick, that's the only reason he comes to Adam.

　

They need a night out, to just have fun like they had on the first tour. Maybe Tommy can forget about being so homesickness for a few hours and maybe Adam canlose himself in the music, not think about sexual tension or sexual abuse. Which was why he looked up bars in the area, sorted out a car to drive them, then he had texted Tommy, who replied so fast he must have had his phone in his hand when Adam texted him. Maybe a few drinks can help them both relax a little, they both need to. For one night he'll put all his feelings and thoughts on hold and just enjoy the music, the booze and the company. Tommy's ready when he goes to get him and he gives Adam a look, his eyes travelling up Adam's body. He can feel Tommy's gaze as if it were a caress. In that moment, he would give anything to be able to read Tommy's mind.

　  
+++++++++++++++++  
　  
　

He wakes up feeling warm in a bed he knows isn't big enough to be his own hotel bed. He wonders if his homesickness, loneliness, drove him into some stranger’s bed. He'd been worried he was using Adam, about the sexual tension between them, has he really gone home with someone else, used someone else to try and get over Adam? He opens his eyes, turns his head, it feels so heavy he knows he must have gotten wasted last night. He's right that he's not alone, but he isn't in bed with some random girl or guy, he's in bed with Adam. Fuck, he's not wearing clothes either. Did he really pick a night where he was too drunk to remember it to confront Adam about the sexual tension that has been left unresolved for so long. 

　

"Tommy?" Adam says softly, turning to face him, the sheet dipping low enough as he moves toward Tommy for him to know Adam is at least shirtless.

　

*Oh shit, I'm naked in bed with Tommy* 

　

They’re face to face, he knows he didn't see Adam's lips move, but he heard his voice, as clear as if it had been inside his head.

　

*He looks shocked, did we really sleep together? I wouldn't take advantage of him like that, he was drunk; homesick* 

　

Adam's voice, wherever it's coming from, sounds upset and that is more important than why Adam's mouth isn't moving.

　

"I don't know what happened last night, but you would never use me," Tommy blurts out, wanting to reassure Adam, because he knows Adam wouldn't use him.

　

'Not like the way I’ve been using you'

　

"You've been using me?" Adam asks, sounding hurt. 

　

"I didn't say that." Tommy frowns.

　

"I heard you." Adam insists. 

　

*I wonder if Tommy is naked as well.*

　

"Yes, I am." Tommy nods.

　

"You’re agreeing that you’re using me?" Adam asks.

　

"No, you wanted to know if I was naked, which I am, like completely." Tommy sighs. He thought homesickness was bad, thought unresolved sexual tension would make him exploded, but he hadn't seen this coming.

　

'I doesn't want to lose you'

　

"You won't ever lose me," Adam insists and they both stop, staring at each other.

　

"Think something, focus on one thought." Adam says softly.

　

'My ass is cold, I miss Lisa and the baby, and you’re too far away, are you mad at me?'

　

"I heard you and no, I'm not mad at you." Adam says softly.

　

"Think something back." Telepathy, it's like something out of his horror collection, only having Adam read his mind doesn't feel scary.

　

　

*Anything but that, think about anything but that, shoes, music, friends, family, not that.*

　

"Not what?" Tommy asked and he doesn't get a verbal response, aloud or straight to his mind. He gets pictures; images of a man, a man who made him feel so afraid he felt like he was going to be sick. He felt wrong and then he saw a police station, an officer telling him he was brave and then a phone call, he was older now, but still afraid.

　

"What was that?" Tommy asks, feeling sick to his own stomach as stray thoughts keep slipping into his mind. A man, wrong, abuse, assault, the police being sorry that he got away, calling to say they had finally found him.

　

"Adam." He says when he doesn't get a reply and he can feel Adam trying to hide whatever this weird ass telepathy is showing Tommy. 

　

"Don't hide from me." Tommy begs.

　

"I never wanted you to know." Adam says softly. He's sat up, knees pulling up toward his chest and he looks defenseless, afraid, sheet wrapped around him. He never pictured waking up in bed with Adam like this and he has pictured it. 

　

"You were abused when you were a kid." Tommy says softly, he's not asking. He doesn't know why he suddenly seems to be sharing a telepathic link with Adam, but he knows it's showing him the truth.

　

*I was fourteen.* Adam thinks, his arms wrapped around him and all Tommy wants to do is hug him and make it all better, make it go away. But this isn't like Tommy's homesickness and he doesn't think a hug will do that much good, not to mention the fact that he's naked. A hug could be more than a little awkward. 

　

"You were a kid." Tommy says firmly. At fourteen he was in to comic books and guitars and never leaving his bedroom. He can't imagine being abused at that age, by someone you should have been able to trust. 

　

"They caught him, all these years later he's going to pay." Adam almost whispers.

　

"I saw you go to the cops. You were so brave, I don't know if I would have been able to do that." He knows what he saw. Adam went to the police alone, before he told his family and made the report, all alone; his heart breaks for Adam. No one should ever have to go through that, no one.

　

*Don't be sad, I didn't want to make you sad*

　

'It's not you, it's what happened, I wish I could make it better, help somehow'

　

*I know, I really do. I can see the way you think about me. I didn't think you saw me like that, as something so special*

　

'I do, because you are'

　

*There's so much love in your thoughts*

　

'That's because I love you'

　

"Oh, I didn't know that." Adam says, eyes as wide as saucers. 

　

*I love you, too*

　

"I was worried I was using you. I was so homesick and you’re the only one who makes it better." Tommy can't believe this, he told Adam he loved him and the world didn't end.

　

"You make me feel better too, why would the world end?" Adam asks.

　

"I never wanted to be the guy who was fucking his boss. I knew people would think I was just some twink piece of trash trying to fuck my way to fame." Tommy shrugs.

　

"I know that's not who you are, all the people who matter know that, all the fans worth having know that," Adam says, one hand gentle on his arm and Tommy can't help but wish he could remember what happened last night. Could he have had his first time with Adam and not remember a single thing about it?

　

*Do you think we had sex? I mean, do you feel like you had sex?*

　

He isn't aching in any places he shouldn't be and Adam's big enough that he knows he would be feeling it the day after if he'd had Adam's cock inside of him.

　

'Not all the way'

　

"I can't even remember kissing you." Adam admits, a hand unwrapping from around his legs, reaching out and stroking some hair off Tommy's face, his touch so light it makes Tommy shiver. 

　

'Kiss me again, maybe we'll remember'

　

Tommy suggests, his heart racing just a little.

　

Adam leans in, moving closer to Tommy and then Adam's lips are pressing lightly to his. He parts his lips and it feels familiar, but then it would, Adam's kissed him more than a dozen times, but always in front of a crowd of screaming fans. Adam's hand cups his jaw, angles Tommy just right so than he can lick right in to Tommy's mouth and it feels perfect. After months of sexual tension, that he knows now he didn't imagine, it feels amazing to be kissing Adam. A private kiss just for the both of them.

　

Which is why when someone starts pounding on the door, Tommy groans into Adam's mouth. This had better be good, because otherwise he might have to kill someone, he was enjoying himself. For the first time in months, he feels like he can touch Adam without feeling like he's using him, for the first time there is no tension between them; they are on the same page and someone has interrupted.

　

"Adam, Tommy, it's Neil, I'm coming in." Neil warns and what the hell? Neil knows he's in here?

　

*Please say we didn't do something we shouldn't have in public?*

　

'I hope not, last thing I need is my Mom seeing me blow you on Twitter or something'

　

*Don't say that, now I'm thinking about you blowing me*

　

And who knew, but sexual tension can actually be fun when you know sooner or later it'll be resolved, in a bed.

　

Neil walks in and he doesn't even seem surprised to find them in bed together, the sheet really doing nothing to hide the fact that not only did they wake up in bed together, but they did it naked.

　

"So how are you two feeling?" Neil asks, arms folded like a Dad whose kid came home after curfew, with beer on their breath.

　

"Um, Okay, bit of a headache." Adam says slowly.

　

*Should we tell Neil about the telepathy?*

　

'No, this is Neil, he's all logical and shit, he'll think we've both gone nuts'

　

*Good point*

　

"You two have no idea what happened last night do you?" Neil asks.

　

"Of course I do." Adam says in his best offended older brother voice, but Neil just glares at him with his best little brother glare. 

　

"Fine, I can't remember anything after the car ride to the bar." Adam admits.

　

"You both got wasted and then found some shop, Madam something. Who let you in when she was closing up. You bought 'telepathy tea' and brought it here. Apparently you both wanted to know what the other person was thinking. You made me get you boiling water from the kitchen. I left after you explained that the Madam said you had to do the ceremony naked." Neil rolls his eyes.

　

"Oh." Adam says quietly.

　

*Telepathy tea*

　

'Must have been your idea, I don't even drink tea'

　

*Your blaming me?*

　

'Not like that, I'm glad we did this, but not thrilled that I probably stripped in front of your baby brother.'

　

"So, killer hangovers?" Neil asks.

　

"Not really." Tommy says honestly. He has a headache, his body feels a little heavy, but he's felt a lot worse after night's he could remember.

　

"Maybe the herbal tea did help. So you woke up in bed together and didn't know why? Bet tea wasn't your first guess." Neil smirks.

　

"You make it sound like we had a tea party. Umm, when are the effects, if there are any, meant to wear off?" Tommy asks biting his lip.

　

"You told me ten hours, but then you also told me you wanted to marry Adam someday. And that 'I shouldn't worry about you using him anymore' which what the hell, man? You are one weird ass drunk." Neil shrugs.

　

'I thought I was using you, you make it all better, the homesickness, everything, but I wasn't giving you anything back'

　

*I was worried I was using you as a surrogate boyfriend, one who would never ask why I didn't bottom, because sex wasn't a part of what was between us*

　

'I, I want to be with you, but I understand, I get that you went through terrible sexual abuse, anything you don't like in bed, I don't need. I only want us to do things we both like'

　

"You two are such space cadets today, I'm going to leave you to sleep it off now that I know neither of you are dead." Neil shakes his head at them one last time and then he just turns his back on them and walks away and Tommy is glad he can't read Neil's thoughts right now. He's sure he doesn't want to hear what Neil is thinking right now.

　

"So, we drank telepathy tea, that really wasn't what I had planned last night." Adam says when the door shuts behind Neil.

　

"I don't know, I think last night kind of worked out well for us." Tommy says leaning in to kiss Adam, for the first time he's the one to start the kiss, but it won't be the last time, not now. They both have issues and baggage, but two people can carry baggage easier than one can; they can do this together. Unresolved sexual tension will be resolved; homesickness won't be as bad when he knows he really has Adam as a home away from home. And Tommy hopes he can help Adam with the sexual abuse he went through. They will both be there for the other, neither of them using or being used and he knows that now thanks to the telepathy. He won't be sad to see it go, but he's glad they've had it, that it's lasted till they woke up in bed together. 

　

"There's something I've been wanting to do." Adam says, breaking the kiss and pushing till Tommy is flat on his back, relaxed because he knows he can trust Adam. He's in love with this wonderful, gorgeous, brave man. And better than that he's loved back, he knows he is, he can see it in Adam's thoughts. 

　

Adam kisses a trail down his neck, down onto his chest, mouth sucking lightly over Tommy's nipple, making him squirm. Then he keeps moving, kisses getting lower and lower until his mouth is hovering over the head of Tommy's cock and he never knew Adam could be such a tease, maybe he should have. Adam's been teasing him on stage without even really trying for well over a year. 

　

"Please." Tommy whimpers and then he almost chokes as Adam sucks him all the way in, taking Tommy to the base in one swallow and Tommy can't talk.

　

'Holy shit, oh my God, Adam, fuck your mouth'

　

His brain is still working though, well just barely.

　

*Like that Tommy Joe? Well you’re going to love this*

　

Adam opens up his throat and swallows again, taking Tommy's dick into his fucking throat and Tommy almost passes out, it feels that good. Adam sets a brutal pace, licking, sucking, taking more of Tommy than he knew was possible and he can feel how much Adam is enjoying it and it makes everything feel even better. Adam is getting off on sucking his cock. When he comes he's going to get his hands all over Adam. He has never felt this good, well if he has he can't remember it, right now he can't remember much beyond Adam. Adam's mouth on him, Adam loving him. He threads his hand in Adam's hair, but he doesn't thrust, he's not trying to take control, he just needs something to hold onto while it feels like he's flying apart. He doesn't manage to make a verbal warning, just sends the thought at Adam when he knows he's going to come.

　

Adam swallows around the head of his cock as he comes and Tommy feels like he's had his brain sucked out of his dick, the only thing he can think is Adam, over and over again, on a loop. When Adam finally lifts his mouth, Tommy drags him up so that he can kiss Adam, licking his own flavor off of Adam's tongue and getting a hand between them to start jerking Adam off. He plans to break the kiss and move so he can blow Adam, but he gets lost in it and Adam seems more than happy to make out while Tommy jerks him off. Adam starts panting into the kiss when he gets close, hips rolling and Tommy can't help thinking what it'll be like to have Adam moving like that when Adam is inside of him and he knows Adam sees his mental image, hears him groan as he comes between them, his lips never far from Tommy's.

　

It feels like a long time before they get up and clean up and when they get into bed Tommy can feel the telepathy tea wearing off, his mental connection with Adam dimming so that it's more like background noise. He doesn't mind, they've both already heard all the things they needed to. Now they'll just have to make this thing between them work like any normal couple would, by actually talking. He cuddles up to Adam, thinking that now they've got past the hard part, this will work. He's not foolish enough to think it'll be easy every day; the tour, their lives, they have pressures and relationships have their ups and downs. But he knows in his heart and head that it'll work, they will be happy. Every day they wake up in bed together will be a good day.

　

The End.


End file.
